Keep On Going
Karl Krolow

I go around some street corners
and have an idea in my head clear as a picture
of time between March and October.
I like the cut-out
I'm moving around in,
slowly, toward change,
dying of something, while I
just keep on going, at least for the moment -
how do you write about
still being alive
among objects that are all used up
and possessions that shine,
lists without specifics, so to speak?
Some things just wait for me
to stop defending myself.
In the air
shining insects.









Tomorrow i make a record.

http://idolator.com/389524/new-york-times-surprised-to-find-bands-in-large-college-town


Courtesy of Chris Flemmons, btw.
i usually hit his blog cos he's one of those ffolk that i pay attention to in this town. Baptist Generals, yanno. frackin amazing if yeh dunno.

Between him and Scott & Will from Centro-matic, this week has been pretty bearable. Well, it started out on sunday with Bret & Isaac, a whole lot of Shiner Black and a little salve from a girl, but...

i'm fucking thrilled outta my head to be recording with Brent on sunday. Did i mention that? The support that starhead has gotten from real musicians continues to blow me away. We've only been a band for just over 3 fucking months.
My head reels sometimes.
Well, a lot of the time, but usually anymore from the glare of bleached bones. But every once in a while i can hold a cold glass of something dark and drink in the energy of this place instead as a chaser.

Denton. We sit and drink and tell stories and joke that line from the Drams song "i could call your heroes on my cellphone right now", and the man who wrote it laughs the hardest about it.

These guys in this band are so good to work with: Cody, Brent, James, Sarah ...and now Tamara, of the Polyphonic Spree, is on board. i feel like i should start another journal, just to chronicle this thing. t'keep it seperate from my highway'n.

"Write me a song" she said.








this band may save my life.
and if it doesnae, then it won't matter, ne?









Dear god,
please dun make me eat those words.
(again)
love,
notwolf



.

Jason Molina has given us permission to record "Lioness". Like, for the album, not just...



oh, fucking wow.



.

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.

-Hamlet Act 2 scene 2



.

Ocean/Highway
starhead 2008
sekrit aprikot publishing, ltd

"and your highway
tries to be the beach
keeping ocean from the land it would defeat
and it's just the biggest wishing well
eating pennies like popcorn
all that salt will hold a body
dead or alive

and you make a wish
you take a wish
never noticing what she put in her hand
then the fog rolls in
just clouds too tired to fly
the silver lining jellyfish will stop you cold
paralyzed

oceanside
highway
oceanside
highway
no one walks on water

and in the sand
your castle cliche temporary
soon your home will be all moat
and it's the perfect place to bury me
warm and snug as arms
the kind of pressure that helps you sleep
the steady ocean purr

oceanside
highway
oceanside
highway
no one walks on water
anymore"




"La chair est triste, hélas et j'ai lu tous les livres"
-Stéphane Mallarmé



.

Worried about my padawan, and vapor trails always make me think about my Rocket Scientist.

raw from self-destruction
tired of trying to be fixed

and i keep looking back at my hand.


got my ass handed to me at Scrabble last night. twice.
financial aid meeting in 1 hour.
starhead practice tonight.
2 job interviews tomorrow.
starhead playsHailey's fri night.
work in the comic shop all day sat.



recording the fucking album on sunday.
recording the fucking album on sunday.
recording the fucking album on sunday.


hongry, now.

"Every night I tell myself,
I am the cosmos,
I am the wind
But that dont get you back again

Just when I was starting to feel okay
Youre on the phone
I never wanna be alone

Never wanna be alone
I hate to have to take you home
Wanted too much to say no, no,
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Never wanna be alone
I hate to have to take you home
Want you too much to say no, no
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

My feelings always happening
Something I couldnt hide
I cant confide
Dont know whats going on inside

So every night I tell myself
I am the cosmos,
I am the wind
But that dont get you back again

Id really like to see you again
I really wanna see you again
Id really like to see you again
I really wanna see you again
Id really like to see you again
I really wanna see you again
I never wanna see you again
Really wanna see you again"


today's songift:"I Am The Cosmos" - Big Star

...and on sunday, i held a girl's hand.



i don't know if i know how to do this anymore. Who plays with broken toys?




songift:"Volcano" - Damien Rice

"Don't hold yourself like that
cause You'll hurt your knees
well I kissed your mouth, and back
But that's all I need
Don't build your world around
Volcanoes melt you down

And What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth, your eyes
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around
Volcanoes melt me down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask
What I give to you is just what I'm going through
This is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding
what I really need is what makes me bleed
But like a new disease, Lord, she's still too young to treat
Volcanoes melt you down
She's still too young +what iam to you+you do not need+is not real
I kissed your mouth
You do not need me"




.

...and i have a fairy...


i honestly do not understand things like this that ffolks see in me.

anymore i feel i am a beast, and a rake at the gates of hell, and we may do well to remember this.




i like that light tho.

and i like feeling /warm

so i answered another person's meme, and it autoposted in my lj.

hn.


that's where it went.

but, to answer the question: yeah. Sometimes.

...so i get anonymous emails, with songs innem.

thot i'd share, at least.

"Broke" - Modest Mouse




.

and as much as i hate to admit it, apparently nothing is sacred.


'i am like a martian/with no earth to attack'

Happy Mother's Day, Momma. i miss you somethin terrible.

god was sitting in the bathtub. all morning, apparently.

When i found her, she was halfway through her book, and there were lily pads of wax on the water where her candles had burned for a few hours, running over the edges of the tub. She was wearing glasses, which always eeks me out a little, since she's god and all. Her hair was dry, and blonde again in lazy curls almost to her shoulder. There were remnants of some bubbles clinging to her breasts, barely out of the water.
She knows i don't prefer blondes, too.
i watched her from the door for a few minutes, until i was rewarded with one of her half-smiles, then i turned to leave her to her book. i'm liberal, but not rude. i could wait to use the room.

"Hey" she said as i turned. '"I lied to you," she said, not even looking over her book.

i had to pause at that. The weight of those words are colossal as it is, but to hear it first thing in the morning, and from your girlfriend - and from god?

"How is that even possible?" i asked. i'd like to say i paused for effect, but i didnae. i was actually kinda stunned. Again.
i seem to stay like that these days, like clouds pregnant with rain, but no storm.

She shifted a bit in the tub, leaning to the side, dropping the book to the bathmat. "Well, technically...", she paused, tracing rivulets on the book cover like some coy princess asking for a pony. It was very unbecoming.
'It's... complicated.'
i stayed just outside the doorframe. The AC kicked in as the iTunes downstairs cycled into 'Porcelain', by the Yeah Yeah Yeah's.

"Yeah, i hear most lies end up like that" is all i could muster. i had a head full of sharp things, but none of them belonged here, now.

"...But they start simple?" she offered. She had changed her voice on purpose, and it only annoyed me that much more.

"i didnae say that." i was firm. Confused. My morning synapses shuffled like a hobo.

"You didn't have to" she countered. She was on her game this morning. i had to wonder if she'd been thinking about it, but then i remembered: 'god'.
What the fuck was going on here...

i spoke to the door. "Hey, i'm writing this, don't put words in my mouth."

"Wasn't your mouth," she volleyed. "It was your hands."
i was avoiding looking at her on purpose, but i could hear her splash a little as she shifted in the tub again. i could smell the water: Lavender and vanilla. Gardenia? Dammit.
She absently brushed the remnants of soapy glaciers from the hair at her mons. i was distracted, thinking of down, or sleeping in soft spring moss...

"Words in my hands." i repeated absently. "i could stand a little more of that from you, actually."

She brought her hands to her belly, cupping it over the waterline. Maddening.

But she kept talking to me with out looking at me, like i was living in her belly button.
"It's complicated because all of my words here are yours, so it looks, or seems, like you lied to yourself."

Again, what the fuck?

"- oh, which never happens..." i blurted. i had to.

"Hey, if you're gonna be a dick about this-" she was quick on the return. This could not be good was all i could muster. That, and the continuing scroll of what the fuck scrolling across the teleprompter of my id.

But i turned to the door. "If i'm gonna be a dick? Did you not just tell me 'i lied to you' instead of 'good morning'? i think i've had just about enough emotional Jenga without you adding to it," i unloaded on her.
But she was poised to catch it, so i kept on. "i mean, what is it about me that makes you, and the hers, think that it's somehow OK to back-rationalize kicking me around your ungrounded landscapes like -"

"Oh, fuck you, you live in metaphor." She interrupted me with that indignity that only naked women can muster.

"i fucking well have to, don't i? look what i have to work with." We stayed like that, both watching the water, feeling the words sink into it. The music cycled some Sunny Day Real Estate. 'The Blankets Were The Stars'. Nice Sunday morning music, but i made a mental note to punch my iTunes for the 3 millionth time this month.

She moved to sit up in the tub, and i reached for her a towel.

"You have zero concept of what you're doing, or where you're sending us" i offered.

Words and towel. She took both without looking.

"Not that you're not used to any of that, but - " she smirked. "I don't have to, I'm god, remember?"

A smirking god is nothing anyone ever prays for. Ever.

i stayed on target tho. "Oh, that's such a fucking cop-out. Either above the laws or outside of it, and that makes it better if you happen to trample something while your loveboots are colouring outside the lines. As long at the picture gets made, it doesnae matter, right? Love is not a colour."

She stood without looking at me, still. Seeing her standing in the tub, rubbing herself dry on my towel, i wondered how long it'd keep the smell of her, the soaps, the sunshine that god always seems to put in my nose, my mouth. There was one tiny part of one of my pillows that still smelled like Sarah on some nights, but it faded a little more each time i'd catch it, pulling part of me with it.

She stopped to step out of the tub, ignoring my hand. "Wait, are you talking about me here, or you?"

i did not need this god right now. "Don't talk to me like me" i said, holding an edge of the towel.

"Then don't listen to me like your fucking iTunes" she said, trailing me by the towel away from the water.

well, howdy. and damn.

http://travel.nytimes.com/2008/05/11/travel/11cultured.html?adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1210428716-DcGb1VOip8yJno5uGFexoQ







.

...fireflies or stars, doesnae matter...

Happy Birthday, Sarah.








.

yeah, nothing like a little Shiner Black and workin out a bit of Willie Nelson when yeh cannae sleep, right?




wrong.




.

photo by jonnypirate, thanks, darlin'.


the Folly Fandango


the Noise Revival Orchestra Experience


Hailey's will be a strange place for us to play, i think, but with these bands it should do OK... Plus JC's on the sound board, so it'll sound boss, at least.
and yeah, you Morgantownies, i catch the irony in that. i've never said i was the only JC tho. heh.


The sunday after show this we go into Bent Best's studio. wow.
Well, WOW Signal, actually, but...

"Flood" is in the setlist now, so is "Eagle", and the new ( angry) song "C-Word". We're up to about a 45-minute solid set, prob an hour if we do our covers.
i hope to add 'Delirium' before we hit the studio, but it may be rushing it...

"there's crazy in my guitar case
and half circles in my square
a quiet buzz in my drinkin' hand
and stars for someone's hair

she's got a secret name
of twisty vowels
dirty shoes
and hidden howls
and she'll throw it, but you'll never catch her eye
delirium used to be delight

there's a summer dress and stompy boots
and stripes across my beer
no suicide in my girl tonight
but just a hint of fear

she's got trigger finger
and mojo pin
won't start the race
but plays to win
and she'll throw it, but you'll never catch her eye
delirium used to be delight

when she sleeps in her doll's house
she makes the rain king smile
and just before the dawn begins
her maps grow extra miles

she's underwhelmed
and demijoy'd
as serious
as christmas toys
her eyes can dance or hide to save her heart
but delirium used to be delight
"



Last night, my buddy Chris said he got a little scared during 'lioness'.
hn. i'll take that.
i get a little scared singing it.

...and Sarah sounded so good in "Coda" (lyrics here, in the 'blog').
She's so strong, so clear.
She's got an idea for us to each do a song over the same melody, and sing 'em at the same time. Like 2 different songs, but the same music. Musta been that growin up on the haunted Texas cotton farm...
i'm in.




Last night, after the Wine Squared show, we picked up another show, hopefully with the amazing Audrey Lapraik and her band...