here, so yeh dun hafta find a notwolf decoder ring:



i am beat, and tired, and deflated, and hurt, and feeling stupid and alone.
i am unhinged. i feel cast aside and more than a little lost sometimes.


i am sick, i am scared, i can tell my eyesight is changing, and i stay tired.
i hate spending the first 20 minutes of the day coughing, and the last hour of the day listeing to myself breathe
alone

and the only positive thing that i can absolutely put my hands on is what comes outta my guitar.

even licking stamps seems surreal and temporary.

i love my friends, and i treasure them, but it'snae the same.

i am not reading my flist, cos i never know what i'm gonna see.
i hate seeing flowers and not having anyone to take them to.
i hate eating alone.
i hate skipping songs i used to love.
i hate the way my room smells in the morning.
i hate not wanting to go home at the end of the day.
i hate drinking until i hate drinking.
i hate that i'venae exercised in over a week.
i hate that i've no real job, and that i'm coasting thru the one i have.

i hate watching movies alone.
couples make me ache
ache
ache

i hate yesterday.
i hate tomorrow.



and
i hate hating.

i am made for more than this

i need hope, and light
and a hand to hold, and
a soul to share with


i hate feeling that i need redemption
i hate this struggle
i hate feeling that there will be no last journey where all wrongs are set right
no relief for the weight of failure, on any level
no perfect conclusion

i hate feeling like god's not coming home.


i hate that the end arrives abruptly, litter'd with loose ends, unfinished dealings, unfinished feelings

i hate that there is an end, and that is all.




and if yeh've been here for any length of time, then yeh know where i've been.


i used to sing, now i hum

and we are all running out of breath



have a song:
"Yer Fool's Suite (2)" - RTB2





so there: decoded.



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listen to the sky, tonight. i'm broadcasting from fields of wine.





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