Sometime in the middle of the 90's i fell in love with a girl.



She was afterhearted, and i'd always had an undercrush on her, and things kinda fell together where we'd spend alot of time together. Sometimes it seemed she needed a wall, and sometimes i needed to be needed, and we pretty much saw the same things when we'd share our kaleidoscope lives, and it was pretty good. She was small, with spiderlike fingers and wide eyes. Like me ( at the time) she'd always smell of Nag Champa. i was driving taxi for a while, and after i'd been out drivin all night, i'd bring her Chai to her apartment in the mornings & wake her up, which birthed this poem ( published later by the Muse Apprentice Guild):

"Amber Nomad, her"

i greet the morning
with chai
and all of the reasons
i should hold your head
and kiss your upturned face
forehead
eyelids
cheek
nose
lips
lips
lips
lips
lips






We studied Reiki with the same Master, and all of our friends were each other's. We could talk about things, not just jabber & agree. i'll always associate Crass and Dead Can Dance with her, in that way that people do. It was a nice braid. and oh Jah she looked so good in my truck ( even tho that's a damn silly thing to say).
i got her this amazing statue-thingy of Aretmis ( Diana), and she sewed me an amazing pouch ( eventually home for my runestones) from some scraps of fabric we'd unearthed somewhere. Even tho i dun mess with my runes much these days, that bag she made me remains one of thoise things i'll never not know where is, regardless of what's innit.

i was the friend, tho, you know how that can go. But, also as it goes, it didnae hamper me, i was stil there, and still the good guy. She knew, but i didnae paint the sky with it. It actually seemed to be enough, most of the time. She was so much woman that she could fill me up from where she was, and i was enough of a man that i could sustain with that.
i've known a few like that, but i've known far too many of the ones that are not.

In complete contrast to most events of this nature, i didnae become superass, or get sour when things drifted away. it was actually a nice ebb, and i can look back on it with perspective, because it very much gave me perspective. It taught me alot on the nature of love, and crushes, and causality.


Twoswords, i'd address my letters & notes to her, cos that's where she was at the time.

She's all up and away now, with thee real life & thee good things. She's gearsouled & grounded and i cannae be amazed that she's where she wants to be and that she put herself there, she's that kind of person. i always love earth people, and scientists, it seems.

She posted this recently, and i grok on it so much i wanna share: