...and then my dear Carrie, my sweet midnight-parking-lot-ice-cream-confederate, my shiftlovestealth from far 2000 who casually strolls around these 01100010100's as aislin, gives me this in the middle of a few dozen chatlines with shadowlily:

"Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which has a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned."

again with the Song of Solomon.

because the burden of proof for relativity lies in building pilot applications...





My greatgrandfather was named Solomon.


i'm goin t'go to sleep pray dream now.


...see yeh out there.






.

...and on sunday, i held a girl's hand.



i don't know if i know how to do this anymore. Who plays with broken toys?




songift:"Volcano" - Damien Rice

"Don't hold yourself like that
cause You'll hurt your knees
well I kissed your mouth, and back
But that's all I need
Don't build your world around
Volcanoes melt you down

And What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask for the sea

Don't throw yourself like that
In front of me
I kissed your mouth, your eyes
Is that all you need?
Don't drag my love around
Volcanoes melt me down

What I am to you is not real
What I am to you, you do not need
What I am to you is not what you mean to me
You give me miles and miles of mountains
And I'll ask
What I give to you is just what I'm going through
This is nothing new, no, no just another phase of finding
what I really need is what makes me bleed
But like a new disease, Lord, she's still too young to treat
Volcanoes melt you down
She's still too young +what iam to you+you do not need+is not real
I kissed your mouth
You do not need me"




.

like jay said: "...travelling without moving."
but i dun think he had quite these last 2 moons in mind.


i need my mind to catch up with the rest of my world, somehow.
and this is more than changes, hearts, hands, geography, emotional weather reports

monday. gimme two more days and i'll make some sense, k?

alla you, you've been patient, and mebbe curious, and i dun write this LJ to an audience, but

remind me, by being here. you're all my friends as much as any.
remind me:

"This is how it works: You're young until you're not, You love until you don't, You try until you can't, You laugh until you cry, You cry until you laugh, And everyone must breathe until their dying breath.
No, this is how it works: You peer inside yourself You take the things you like and try to love the things you took, And then you take that love you made and stick it into some, someone else's heart, Pumping someone else's blood. And walking arm in arm, You hope it don't get harmed, But even if it does you'll just do it all again..."
- Regina Spektor




::breathe::


just breathe.

moving to your pictures
i've found that my hand moves slowest on the mouse
chained to this Damocles stone in my throat

hold. on.
hold on.

holdonholdonholdonholdon.


holding.
holding.
holding.

learning.
(growing?)


r'evolving.




( i can)

Afraid.

i'm afraid of this survey.

i lost 2 'readers' because of the 'abortion commnent', btw. Honesty is that itch on yer ass that you wanna scratch, but feel funky about doing it.

You'll fucking love this one. But if yer gonna love me, then you need to be prepared for what happens next. Drinking? Nope, just a couplea shots of Jaeger at Dan's about 20 min ago.

And i dun think we're gonna discuss this, k? k. :

1. How many people have you had sex with in 2007??
...well, i'm only gonna 'define sex' so much as it actually had to do with getting off, with another person, in the flesh ( no pun intended), so: 6

2. Weed, coke, speed, crack, heroin, oxy, acid, x, k, peyote, mushrooms, of these, how many have you done in this lifetime?
11

3. Ever been cheated on?
More than i'd care to admit.

4. Ever paid for sex?
Yup.

5. Ever been married?
no... Engaged twice tho. Mebbe 3 times.

6. Ever been divorced?
and no.

7. If you had to pick one whats your fave sexual position?
Reverse Cowgirl

8. Do you own any guns?
Yup. Antique, tho.

9. Ever done more than 30 days in jail?
Nope.

10. Ever been in rehab?
Nope.

11. Have you ever had any sexual experiences with the same sex?
Yup.

12. Ever have sex with anyone that you met on myspace?
Yup.

13. Truthfully… size matters??
only outside of perspective. Unless yer talkin about my shirt size, then i'd have to go with a resounding yes, you fucking hypocritical cunts.

14. Do you think Arnold could beat up Chuck Norris?
well, no.

15. What celebrity would you want to have sex with if you had the chance?
Natalie Portman. Isadora Duncan. Kim Gordon.

16. Ever been unemployed for over a year since becoming an adult?
Nope.

17. How many states have you lived in?
5

18. How many countries have you lived in?
2, including Texas. Har.

19. Do you keep a weapon under or next to your bed at night?
Nope.

20. What celebrity would you want to beat up if you had the chance??
There's no one i'd like to beat up, actually. That kind of violence just makes me sad, anymore.

21. Ever rolled into the harsh ghetto to buy drugs?
Yup.

22. Ever cheated on someone?
No. Never. And i swear on Blessed Texas that i never will. i will never be 'that man'.

23. Ever been paid for sex?
Yup.

24. Ever hired a SPY to follow someone??
Nope.

25. Ever bang your friends man/woman?
Well, no. Not within 6-8 months of the relationship's 'end', anyway.

26. What is your IQ?
180 at age 10. Who knows now. i'd be embarassed to know, either way.

27. Do you think Mr. Rogers really was a pervert or do you think he just really liked kids ?
Please. Mr Rogers was kosher.

28. O.J. Simpson......did he do it?
Yup.

29. Fake tits or real tits?
real, please.

30. Ever watch someone die?
...yeah..

31. How long has it been since you had sex?
about 2 weeks.

32. Name your favorite beer?
( not a beer, but in the interest of the situation) Guinness.


Wow, it's almost 3:30 AM. How i waste my time...


and no wonder they're scared of me. i can see the picture i paint of myself, sometimes here recently.