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top 21 most-played last week ( corrected)



( this is radio notwolf)

Some Devil - Dave Matthews
Your hand in mine - Explosions in the Sky
Husk - Liz Durrett
Baby Take a Look - Ohia
Slugworth - Record Hop
Arabesque - Lily Chou-Chou
raw from self - destruction - the Baptist Generals
sweet jane (natural born killers mix) - Cowboy Junkies
Throw Your Arms Around Me (Hunters and Collectors cover) - Pearl Jam & Ben Harper
Teardrop ( Massive Attack cover) - Jose Gonzalez
rain/venus/rain - jetscreamer
e isso ai - Seu Jorge & Ana Carolina
Sarah's In Cars - RTB2
Re: Stacks - Bon Iver
Telescope Eyes ( original demo) - Eisley
Girl - Jim Sturgess
I See a Darkness - Bonnie 'Prince' Billy
Cupid Come (My Bloody Valentine cover) - Aroah
Cold Water/Hallelujah - Damien Rice
Center of the Sun - Conjure One
yer fool's suite II - RTB2



this show is tonight:




and i still have mad flatcleaning to accomplish, somehow. Plus Rocket Mail to do, a wedding (sun) AND a funeral (thurs) to prepare for, and mediene arrives to-morrow...





.

mediene said " I've been reading in your journal, and I've seen this more than once, and I don't understand how you keep giving your heart away to girls who'll just break it."





...but i didnae know.
i go into every relationship never thinking if it'll end.
never thinking if it'll end.

never.

thinking.

if.


it'll end.



otherwise i'd just not wake up, one day.

it's not a unique feelin. i'mnae special innit.

like most of you who soak in these lights masquerading as words & feelings don't want to either, sometimes. not wanna wake up, that is.


and one day i conjure i just won't.
but that's no reason not to.

i've somethin t'do, yet. somewhere.

and /hopefully with

some/one



i still catch my breath sometimes at Thee Eskimo, at the Song of Songs in my Strawberry (tho that's freshest and a given), at the losing of The Witch, the RockLove of Lynx, the chaos of Arizona, the confederacy of love with Thistle, the blindwonder love with Crysania, the offtarget of the Princess of Media, the nevercould of the Secret Lesbian, in Kalli my Yin, (and a dozen crushes besides)
and i stillstillstill carry charts for my Rocket Scientist...

but ultimately?

i don't feel like i have a choice, and i'd lie t'myself if i didnae feeeeeel like this.
and that's a reason to stop living: when the loving starts uncoming, but not if it cannae be.


i ache like a tooth in a jawbone, in pictures, in sounds and the crushing solitude carried in the memory of my sheets and hands, in shapes that i miss under my fingertips, in my eyes, in my poor stupid ears.


i dun think my heart was built for this
but i still
feel like i've something t'do.

and if thinkin' that is a kind of lying to myself, then i'll die in that bliss, at least. and everyone that i've loved will never doubt that i did.



"I'm looking for the face I had before the world was made -- Yeats"








.

"Arithmetic arithmetock"

this is where the radio is set...




it's 0630, i meant t'go t'bed hours ago, but i picked up Jemmy and cast my breathrunes across her frets to keep away mine ( frets).
i can't seem t'shift sometimes, and i get tired of alla these 2-legged spiders made of butter and self-eucharist.


i forget beauty til it comes around, and i still have t'catch my breath, sometimes. sometimes.
sometimes.
heart forgets the knives my eyes eat sometimes, in the shadows of pictures.


i miss fingertips on mine.


We will all learn to swim.


i pray for amnesty, but dance like war
and it makes me
tired
















i don't want you back
i want what you gave me







.

understand
i dunno if i can
use this heart
until i can
put my own hands on it


how did i get
(here)
from
(there)






.

.

well, courtesy of mtaiilauren, i have been 'tagged'. Hurm.


fair 'nuff.



1.What does the moon taste like?
Honey, copper, honeysuckle, musk, fresh cotton. Mons.
the best place my mouth has ever been, including song.

2.When did you first realize that dreams were possible?
They are, but they're temporary: caveat.
but the answer? Sometime back before i was even a teenager, my girlfriend was Connie Parton. She was my sister's best friend and she'd come over to the house and swim in her striped one-piece.
One day her father died and i learned what 'creamated' meant.
Connie started swimming with me more than my sister soon after that. One day at a field trip to the Ft Worth Zoo, i was in my Father's giant blue station wagon with the wood paneling and the speaker in the back next to the fold-up seat i loved, sitting in the very very back of the boat. It was the end of the day and Connie had crawled to the back to sit next to me. She was softly singing "Berkley Woman" along with my momma's John Denver tape, and she whispered that she was gonna marry me. After that, i started thinking about what love would be like, and i've never stopped - tho it seems that the answer changes daily, and dramatically.
Connie lives with her wife in Dallas now and works for the government.


3.How loudly does God have to whisper before you hear it?
i hear god constantly at every volume. in everything. sometimes it'snae as good as it sounds. i hear her loudest when i'm writing words and songs, and softest in the voices of the children i don't have.

4.What moment were you the most proud of yourself?
On the way to take her to the airport, to go back home to Babylon California, Sarah reached thru the songs and the warm Texas evening, took my pen and wrote 'i love you' in her fey script on my arm.



After a thousand years, i felt complete. i felt like the road was worth it and every scar i'd had and made had finally come together like some stereogram, or a Nazca line and the sky had let me up to see it.
i'm sure that i've done bigger, better, louder, but this sticks in my head like one lit candle in the last cupcake.
Mebbe too much.
starhead makes me proud, but i've learned t'be wary of my ego these days. Very careful.


5.What dish can you make that will have them lining up at your door?
My ice creams are good, but my white pizza is a deal-breaker. if i can cook for someone, i transcend.


hn. do i tag now?

so...

distract me some more, before my ( pen) gets ahead of itself. i may be manic. Hurm. i do much better til night falls, it seems...


my emails ghostdance, and i've clouds in my mouth
one brought me a smile like dandelions
one broke her dress
one asked for a beer, and i'll never say no
one untuned 4 strings
one rides the excuse of time ( over the excuse of weight)
one is not one
and the other is only for another ever ( tho not ever for another)

i like love, i dunno why it hates me so much.











but, i digress!

Hey, these are my friends:
( well met)

Delphi is the bastard daughter of Tori Amos and Lee Harvey Oswald, stealing homework from Buffy Summers, and spending off weekends with her 'uncle' Art Bell. Plus she's hot, if yeh like girls that can totally kick yer ass. Hail Eris, and swallow.
Jetscreamer - well, fuck. What can i say about the band i took my band's name from? Sonic Youth from Texas? Hard as buckets? The sexiest CD you never thot you'd like? Yes, yes, and yes. Electric Estatic Experimental Egression/Erosion Earfist: drink it, smoke it, stick it in.
The Undoing of David Wright - Neo/New Wave Glittertrash Rock with the grand tradition of Gang of Four, mebbe some Stooges, or if Joy Division had heard of Red Bull. Think Velvet Oilmine...
Current Leaves - Kinda recently called it quits, but, typical of Denton, they're all still doin stuff. This is like Graham Parsons hanging out with Big Star, which isnae a bad thing at all.
wild in the streets - k, so, not a 'band', but she's everywhere the good bands are. See, Ms Lisa isnae afraid t'go deep in any crate for motown, or Bowie, or glamtastic pre-disco, or old Stax, whatever feels good... And she delves songs so familiar, but somehow forgotten, that they appeal to the lizard ( read: don't think: DANCE!) parts of yer brain, without all the fucking foam bombs and mall-ternative trashamite bitches slingin attitude and sharpening their fakey bits. All i wanna do is zooma zoom zoom anna drink drink. Shake yer Shiner's!


more? tagged 'denton rock city'. and, as always, if yeh like it, tell THEM.



i feel like writin a bit, for once. Practice t'morrow, and Wednesday. BIG show on Sat. Yikes.



"i'm an idol and i'm my own breaker
and i'm raw from from self-destruction"
- "Raw From Self-Destruction" - the Baptist Generals


Hurm.

"Suzanne takes you down to her place near the river
You can hear the boats go by
You can spend the night beside her
And you know that she's half crazy
But that's why you want to be there
And she feeds you tea and oranges
That come all the way from China
And just when you mean to tell her
That you have no love to give her
Then she gets you on her wavelength
And she lets the river answer
That you've always been her lover
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that she will trust you
For you've touched her perfect body with your mind.
And Jesus was a sailor
When he walked upon the water
And he spent a long time watching
From his lonely wooden tower
And when he knew for certain
Only drowning men could see him
He said "All men will be sailors then
Until the sea shall free them"
But he himself was broken
Long before the sky would open
Forsaken, almost human
He sank beneath your wisdom like a stone
And you want to travel with him
And you want to travel blind
And you think maybe you'll trust him
For he's touched your perfect body with his mind.

Now Suzanne takes your hand
And she leads you to the river
She is wearing rags and feathers
From Salvation Army counters
And the sun pours down like honey
On our lady of the harbour
And she shows you where to look
Among the garbage and the flowers
There are heroes in the seaweed
There are children in the morning
They are leaning out for love
And they will lean that way forever
While Suzanne holds the mirror
And you want to travel with her
And you want to travel blind
And you know that you can trust her
For she's touched your perfect body with her mind."

"Suzanne" - Leonard Cohen








i drEamed of the palest girl in a summer dress.
i dreamed of twirling fire in bolas and on smooth-handled staVes. i drEamed of a sangria fountain on a beat-up picnic table, guitars and more guitars, and and the steady clomp clomp of my boots barely dancing on floorboards, the sound Like goathooves on a troll-bridge.
i dreamed of the whitest of clouds against the darkest blue of a Texas night sky, an anti-day wrapped in unhot breezes thru lattice and across nearbY asphalts.
i dreamed of that sky like the awning of a porch i'd never leave, to a house i'd never live in, littered with struggling stars reashing for the earth i'd daNce on with this sylph, between faux dagger-glances and the audacity of the spirits of fire and alcohol in cahoots.

and i dreamed of dancing, in slow twirls, my hands filled with dress and almost-freckles, my neck warmed by the face of pleasant confusion mixed with crooked smiles in my eyes and the smells of a summer girl.

and waking up was more like falling out of a tree, hitting angry branches all the way down.




tonight it'll rain. today i'm going outside.




.

...and then my dear Carrie, my sweet midnight-parking-lot-ice-cream-confederate, my shiftlovestealth from far 2000 who casually strolls around these 01100010100's as aislin, gives me this in the middle of a few dozen chatlines with shadowlily:

"Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm: for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave: the coals thereof are coals of fire, which has a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned."

again with the Song of Solomon.

because the burden of proof for relativity lies in building pilot applications...





My greatgrandfather was named Solomon.


i'm goin t'go to sleep pray dream now.


...see yeh out there.






.

i wanna put off tomorrow, but that's become commonplace for me bout half the time these days. in spite of the distraction of my stupid lungs, i keep looking inside otherme, picking at these scabs, trying t'dance in this lifeboat.

ignoring my body,
treating my heart like the Bronze Medal Winner at the Special Olympics.
there, there


"Tongue tied, bleeding from your eyes, even christ himself would cringe at the sight of your scars. While you're counting sheep, I'll count my lucky stars, you were the last good thing I ever saw." -Alkaline Trio

but i dun believe that. i just don't understand the turn, the utter abruptness of it.
it got left somewhere in the tops of the clouds, and i cannae reach that high anymore.

""Sometimes a thousand twangling instruments
Will him about mine ears; and sometime voices,
That if I then had waked after long sleep,
Will make me sleep again, and then in dreaming
The clouds methought would open and show riches
Ready to drop upon me, that when I waked
I cried to dream again."
- William Shakespeare, The Tempest, 3.2

it'snae even love anymore. not like that. it's so far beyond it, and so short of it at the same time.
i have broken these laws of physics, moving into ontologistics, humoring the sleepwalking antics of my Cartesian Self by wordsmithing and painting pretty pictures on the insides of my sunglasses.
i have anchored my mailbox on the event horizon, spending nights licking stamps, propping the flag up with minor chords and heartstrings.
and if yeh've no ground, then yeh cannae have visitors.
Where would they rest?

zoom by and wave, smile. Leave your scent like only dying flowers can.


"Every man's memory is his own private literature" - Huxley



and i keep writing songs
and i keep writing songs
and these songs, and i keep singing low, but with my face to the sky
but this place i'm in ain't a place of wishes
every her & you is my inspiration
every un-me stronger than the hands and voice that root it.



Iconoclasm

in the loneliness of sitting by the phone
in the cold blue light of dawn
in the empty fields that are my hands
there is only you

in the quiet chairs i sit beside
in the under of my words
in the way that every wave is tidal now
there is only you

in the way i chop my mountains down
in the way i dance for rain
in the way the temple cries for heresy
there is only you

in the way i wear the floorboards thin
in the way i stoke my coal
in the way the ocean begs the moon
there is only you






but, there's not.






.

and it's nights like these that i realize that i dun need you
but i cannae escape that it's you that put me here











i drove almost an hour this morning, on the way home from no more beer and forgetting the fiddle ( but not the fiddler...), trying to find a corndog, listening to Will's plaintive songings and smoky guitars, swimming in the echoes from three awesome nights of music amongst my friends - old and new.


and i came home to two pennies on the floor.







.

oh shit! and Joe Cripps is sitting in with us tonight?


No pressure there, noooo...


good thing i stay distracted with mojitos and denial...






.

In case yeh dunno what i look like, now yeh have a warnin.








...from last night at Lumberjack Fest, courtesy Ms Pekot.


i'm gonna go play some tunes. Make some rain. Purge. Yanno.

our CD release is 14 Aug at RGRS.


Plan now.

six ten
9th grade child
waiting for the miracle
the ballad of the temporary angel of bourbon
war damn eagle
song about nothing
delirium
behind the walls of you
the c-word
coda
flood
tempest




'official' release: 08/08/08.

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Keep On Going
Karl Krolow

I go around some street corners
and have an idea in my head clear as a picture
of time between March and October.
I like the cut-out
I'm moving around in,
slowly, toward change,
dying of something, while I
just keep on going, at least for the moment -
how do you write about
still being alive
among objects that are all used up
and possessions that shine,
lists without specifics, so to speak?
Some things just wait for me
to stop defending myself.
In the air
shining insects.









Tomorrow i make a record.

Jason Molina has given us permission to record "Lioness". Like, for the album, not just...



oh, fucking wow.



.

Doubt thou the stars are fire,
Doubt that the sun doth move,
Doubt truth to be a liar,
But never doubt I love.

-Hamlet Act 2 scene 2



.

"Every night I tell myself,
I am the cosmos,
I am the wind
But that dont get you back again

Just when I was starting to feel okay
Youre on the phone
I never wanna be alone

Never wanna be alone
I hate to have to take you home
Wanted too much to say no, no,
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Never wanna be alone
I hate to have to take you home
Want you too much to say no, no
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

My feelings always happening
Something I couldnt hide
I cant confide
Dont know whats going on inside

So every night I tell myself
I am the cosmos,
I am the wind
But that dont get you back again

Id really like to see you again
I really wanna see you again
Id really like to see you again
I really wanna see you again
Id really like to see you again
I really wanna see you again
I never wanna see you again
Really wanna see you again"


today's songift:"I Am The Cosmos" - Big Star

...fireflies or stars, doesnae matter...

Happy Birthday, Sarah.








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